So... many of you already know that I am separated from Tony now (divorce papers are filled out and ready to be filed). I am yet again finding myself trying to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I realize now, after a long soul-searching past year, that I can no longer live for someone else! I need to live to make ME happy! I have spent the majority of my life trying so hard to please other people (and the men in my life) that I always lose sight of who I am. I turn into someone who is unhappy because I am a pleaser and want so desperately to be loved. I realize now that until I am happy for me, I will not be happy with anyone else, unless I am happy myself too!
The last couple months alone have been really comforting and awakening at the same time. I have had time to think about what I want in any possible future relationships as well as what I want to show my daughter is real and what is true. I want to be a good example for her, not an example of what not to do. I have always pretended to like things that I really didn't like for fear of rejection and I will no longer do that. It always caused issues later on when I just couldn't handle "that thing" anymore. I will no longer bottle every feeling inside and keep this wall up that I have built so incredible high for emotional protection! I need to break it down and start to be able to feel again. I will be honest and say how I feel and if I get rejected... so be it. I will be me. I can no longer live in fear! Okay self... here we go on this journey we call life! We cannot fail (can we ?)!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
My beautiful Bria, after her hair cut...
She came home from her Dad's one weekend needing her hair trimmed because of a gum incident - oops! So, I asked her what she wanted and we ended up doing a whole new "do"... pretty cute, if I do say so myself!
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