So... many of you already know that I am separated from Tony now (divorce papers are filled out and ready to be filed). I am yet again finding myself trying to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I realize now, after a long soul-searching past year, that I can no longer live for someone else! I need to live to make ME happy! I have spent the majority of my life trying so hard to please other people (and the men in my life) that I always lose sight of who I am. I turn into someone who is unhappy because I am a pleaser and want so desperately to be loved. I realize now that until I am happy for me, I will not be happy with anyone else, unless I am happy myself too!
The last couple months alone have been really comforting and awakening at the same time. I have had time to think about what I want in any possible future relationships as well as what I want to show my daughter is real and what is true. I want to be a good example for her, not an example of what not to do. I have always pretended to like things that I really didn't like for fear of rejection and I will no longer do that. It always caused issues later on when I just couldn't handle "that thing" anymore. I will no longer bottle every feeling inside and keep this wall up that I have built so incredible high for emotional protection! I need to break it down and start to be able to feel again. I will be honest and say how I feel and if I get rejected... so be it. I will be me. I can no longer live in fear! Okay self... here we go on this journey we call life! We cannot fail (can we ?)!
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